"Arnold Schwarzenegger got together with Al Gore for a climate change summit. Even though he's a Republican and Al Gore's a Democrat, it's good they could talk robot to robot."
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
"Yesterday at a global conference on poverty and education, former President Bill Clinton met with actress Angelina Jolie. Before the meeting, Clinton looked at himself in the mirror, took a deep breath, and said, 'Bill, this is moment you've been training for your whole life.'"
Late Night with Conan O'Brien
"As you all know, America is facing a health care crisis ... in that the Democrats are trying to provide health care. Every Democratic presidential candidate has a plan to just give away health insurance. From Obama, Edwards and Hillary's mandatory coverage plans, which would all be funded by repealing Bush's tax cuts, to Mike Gravel's plan of rummaging through pharmacy dumpsters, which he would pay for by playing the saw on the subway."
The Colbert Report
"There was a debate between the Republican candidates for president in Baltimore tonight. The debate focused on minority issues, and it was at Morgan State University, which is a black college. ... None of the top four Republican candidates were there. Giuliani, McCain, Romney and Thompson -- not one of them showed up. Apparently, they all had scheduling conflicts that prevented them from going to a place where nobody will vote for them."
Jimmy Kimmel Live
"But did you see Ahmadinejad's speech at the U.N.? One odd moment: In the middle of the speech, he took a cell phone call from Mrs. Giuliani."
The Late Show with David Letterman
"With the streets here gridlocked by security, how would Ahmadinejad have the time to make all these commitments? Simple. He gets to drive in the Holocaust Deniers Lane. One thing you can't deny is the time you'll save."
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Keep smilin'! :-)