Little did I know the real disaster would strike later that evening. Sitting in Concourse C the next morning waiting for yet another delayed flight to board, I received a call from Will.
"You're not going to believe this," she said. "The basement flooded last night."
"Are you kidding me?"
"No and it's a lot worse. We got a eighteen inches of water."
"How did that happen?"
"The sump pump stopped working during the night because the breaker blew. It's a total mess, everything's ruined."
"I thought we fixed that last time by rerouting the drain tile and installing the back-up sump pump. What did the plumber say?"
"He can't believe it happened again," Will replied. "He thinks the breaker went bad because it kept clicking off when he tried to reset it. He replaced it."
"What are we supposed to do now? Can we even use the basement anymore?"
"The plumber said we could run a dedicated line to power the sump pump, but it, of course, still needs electricity. If the power goes out, the basement will flood again. The only way to avoid that would be to buy a back-up generator."
"Unbelievable," I said. "What about 1-800-We-Fix-It, are they coming to clean up the mess?"
"They'll be here this afternoon; I called Dan directly." Will replied. "But, you know, there is some good news in all this."
"There is?"
"Yes, I called the insurance company this morning to put in a claim -- and, believe me, we've got way more than $10,000 in damage this time -- and the agent told me you switched our deductible to $2000 three days ago."
"Yeah, I did that when I renewed the car policies. I was worried the storms would cause the peacon tree to crash into our house."
"Well, our deductible for this is two grand, not ten. I think that alone gives us a free pass on all F ups for the next two years, minimum."
A free pass on the soggy road to nowhere
Nintendo's new Wii aqua sports game
Arriving home from Detroit, I clumped down the basement stairs and found Dan from 1-800-We-Fix-It in the middle of assessing the situation. The sump pumps had removed all the water, but the damage had been done.
"I'm really sorry to be back," Dan said. "This is a lot worse than last time too."
"Yeah, but what can you do?"
"I know, but we were just here three months ago."
We-Fix-It saved the walls, but the deluge destroyed almost everything inside them -- treadmill, two recliners, two couches, video game chairs, love seat, hot water tank, shelves, lamps, new carpet and much more -- including, dern it all, my heavy bag and boxing gloves. Since one of the guys carting the remnants of our existence out of the basement swamp sported multiple tattoos and seemed to be a cage-fighting fan, I'm a little suspicious about the heavy bag and gloves: did they end up in a landfill or in his basement?
Don't feel bad for us, though: the destruction we experienced paled in comparison to the thousands who have lost homes, livelihoods and even loved ones to horrific tornadoes and floods assaulting America. Those people need your help, not us. Possessions can be replaced; people can't. The entire incident, in fact, seemed to be a message from Nibiru to let go of material goods and embrace what's really important in our lives.
With the basement big screen ruined and man cave, once again, full of HEPA filters and gigantic green blow dryers, we focused on the really important: watching UFC 130 upstairs Saturday night. During the co-main event, a heavyweight brawl between Frank Mir and Roy Nelson, the weight of seemingly endless thunderstorms caused the satellite signal to disappear. Given we'd paid to watch the fights and were staring at a blue screen featuring the phase "searching for signal", I called DirecTV. They refunded the purchase.
The next morning, Will opened a kitchen cabinet near the sink and found a horde of carpenter ants swarming all over the cough drops and medicine. Carpenter ants are big black ones, a quarter or half inch in size, that -- and this is probably something I shouldn't admit -- make a satisfying crunch when you smash them into oblivion. After cleaning out the cabinet, setting traps, scrubbing the vinyl siding and creating, with luck, a scent barrier along the ground and foundation cinder blocks, I learned carpenter ants bore into wood to create nests, but, unlike termites, don't eat it. Another interesting fact: carpenter ants loved wet, damaged wood. Go figure.
While we experienced our second flood and first ant invasion, the world, despite dire predictions, failed to end. But, if the source materials prove correct, we've only got a couple more plagues to work through until the end of days.
I'll let you know when the locusts arrive.
****
Up next, this not be your lucky day.
Happy Holidays!
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