On the Side

Food at the Fords: Cinco de Mayo!

Okay, here's the deal.

I might have done a little "binge thinking" in my last post and decided not to join Joy for dinner at all. My daydreams transported me into nightmares and I had trouble coming to reality. Finally, I woke up in a cold sweat screaming about watermelon men and camels of fried rice. Luckily, my mom rushed upstairs and put an arm around my shoulder.

"Honey, there are no such things as watermelon men or camels of fried rice," she said. "I ate it all for dinner last night!"

Oh, thank goodness! I was reassurred. It was my crazy family with the artistic food motives. The motives that made me go insane thinking I had manners to worry about for Joy's dinner.

But, nope. Joy is normal. I wouldn't have anything to worry about for her dinners.

However, do you think I should tell her about my family?

Because you see, I was thinking I should make it up to her by inviting her to my house for dinner tonight.

I hope when she gets here she's not too afraid of us. And to avoid her daydreams from turning into nightmares like mine did, I'll give her a little heads up about what this dinner is all about.

I'll tell her two things. Dress like Jimmy Buffet and bring a sombrero. Oh! And to find my house, look for the balloons and "Margaritaville" sign out by the mailbox.

I sure hope she gets the clue, because this dinner is not going to be anything like the Hawaiian Luau we had last week. This time, we're inviting the neighbors from all around the countryside to do a little salsa dancing and tortilla chip dipping into our Mexican Fiesta themed backyard dinner party.

Yep, at the Fords, we take the liberty of saving our neighbors a few bucks.

Rather than fixing a five course meal, or eating hot dogs and easy mac every night to save on the cash, neighbors come from far and wide, bring a small dish to share, a beverage, and decorations to transform my backyard into a 5 star vacation hot spot.

Those who have acoustic guitars should bring them along to sing the night away with a little Cheeseburger in Paradise, Math Sucks and more from the Jimmy collection. Those who come for games and tournaments should bring their poker faces; others should bring marshmellows and pokers for the bonfire. The party lasts into the night and under the stars with plenty of food, for less money than any of us could ever imagine.

Yes, that's right, Joy. We save a buck to throw a party. No more easy mac for you pretty lady! It's time for Cinco de Mayo, because you deserve it!

Want suggestions on what to bring? 

May I suggest one of these mouth-watering, authentic Mexican dishes such as,

Authentic Enchiladas Verdes

Beef Tamales

Real Sopapillas

Slow Cooker Pozole

Pork for Tamales

Real Homemade Tamales

Sweet Tamales

Carrot, Chile and Cilantro Soup

Chilled Avocado and Cilantro Soup

Pico de Gallo Chicken Quesadillas

Chiles Rellenos

Frijoles Refritos

RSVP to me, Dana Ford, at fordd1@findlay.edu if you would like to save some cash and join my family for Mexican Fiesta night!

Invited to Dinner

Hello everyone,

My name is Dana Ford. I attend the University of Findlay and, as a new intern for The Courier, I was asked to join Joy for some of her scrumptous dinners.

I have been a sucker for late night cravings and talk of crepes ever since I viewed her menu. I must say, I look forward to sinking my teeth into this blog.

However, please do excuse my dinner manners. My desire for food is passionate and unique. I overeat, I eat too fast, I like to eat with my fingers and, sometimes, I don't like to eat at all for the art of food is so fashionable I feel as if it should be on display in a museum somewhere.

Yes, thank you, I have been told more than once my habits are a bit strange.

You're probably wondering if my mother ever taught me proper table manners as a child. Well, she did. But sometimes, I just get nervous before having dinner with someone I hardly know. Wouldn't you?

I mean, my hands shake, and food goes everywhere but my mouth. What happens if I don't like something she makes? Will she care if I tell her it sucks? I can be blunt about it, but I'm also I really good actress. But ugh, I just can't help but sit here and hope to God Joy refrains from making those hot dogs she was talking about. Maybe she will cook a beautiful gourmet meal with lots of foreign spices and creamy sauces and delectable deserts and ... but OH! What if Joy is some sort of secret artist who creates masterpieces out of what may make the simplest meals? If she bakes a cake in the shape of Oprah I would be pretty impressed. But do I just have the cake? Or can I eat it too? I'm starting to get nervous. What should I do?!

MMM hmm. I came across this strange food art stuff on the web one afternoon while looking for a few cute recipes I could make my mom for Mother's Day. Instead, random pictures of interesting food art was what Google search gave me.

Watermelon with what appeared to be a man emerging from a red, juicy sea, a face carved out of guacamole, and a few sculptures created with the leftovers of fried rice. I found it crazy! Pretty sweet! I thought to myself, while Joy's eating hot dogs and dollar menu grease, I'm going to go have dinner with some of these food artists instead.

This stuff was so fun to look at, but I couldn't help wondering one thing: Why didn't my mom ever let me play with my food?! I could be a maccaroni Picasso if she would have just let me make the amateur artist mistakes of rubbing ketchup in my hair and putting spaghetti down my shirt when I was 2. Eventually, I would have learned from the mess and could have used my mistakes to come up with a pretty mean looking Michael Jackson or something.

Actually, I'm kidding. I wouldn't want to make a fool out of both my parents at Olive Garden. I can see it now ... bad plan.

I think the real thing I'm pondering here is: If Joy were to make me a potato salad sandwhich tonight in the shape of Frosty the Snow Woman, will it offend her if I eat it? Should I eat before I come? Maybe tonight is a showcase dinner of all of her work -- work that might cost her millions of dollars if it ends up in my stomach and eventually her toilet later on. I'm starting to freak out here. I, myself, am an artist of many canvases. But food?! No way. I wouldn't know what to do with it if it looked like Van Gogh's Starry Night. Look or eat? Help me with this question!

Then, there is always the thought as to whether I should bring Joy a nice center piece for dinner. But the first idea I had caught me by surprise. "Maybe I'll bring her one of those edible arrangements as a nice center piece for the table! One of those fruit ones," I thought.

Edible arrangements. No more flowers. You can't eat flowers. You buy them, they get looked at, then they die. But if flowers were edible, of course they would be tempting appetizers. So surely, they make edible fruit arrangments that look like bouquets of flowers.

My next thought was: I hope she doesn't eat it, because I spent way too much money on all the fruit to look exactly like tulips for it to be in that stomach of hers! Oh my gosh! Here I go again. Thinking about all this food art. If Joy were an artist, would she want me to eat her creations? Because I wouldn't want her to eat mine! I guess when I was invited to dinner I didn't expect to have the option of starving. All these thoughts are really making me nervous, because I'm really hungry!

So here's a question for everyone: Are you able to have your cake and eat it too?

As for me, I never thought it was possible. Joy, I'm sorry, but this new break in theory might be a waste of your food. Because surely, if you somehow create a giraffee out of cheesey french fries and chili at dinner tonight, I don't think it is possible for me to eat the lovely creation, because the giraffee is my favorite African animal. In this case, I may be too nervous to even show my face at dinner tonight. Maybe next time. Rain check, please!

And don't bother trying to make it up to me with a vase full of broccoli and califlower either. I will probably just stare at its beauty until it rots, leaving me with more hunger to spare.